Germany the Craigslist Whore
by mysoxlike2party
Summary: "Craigslist whore" is what you call someone addicted to Craigslist or is a Craigslist regular,  aside from the literal definition . Well, Germany tries out the shady website and reveals something shocking.


**Anime**: Axis Powers Hetalia**  
>Rating<strong>: T **  
>Warnings<strong>: Nothing to really warn about here...?**  
>Pairings<strong>: None, but I'm sure your warped minds can make it seem like there are.**  
>Disclaimer<strong>: Me no own this**  
>Notes<strong>: I regret nothing.

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><p>"Craigslist? What's Craigslist? Is it like <em>Schindler's List<em>?" inquired Germany after hearing Japan and Italy converse. They looked at Germany quizzically.

"No, Germany!" began Italy, "It's not a war movie! It's a website!"

"A website?" repeated Germany. Germany wasn't really one in tune with today's fads, as the only reason he would go on the computer was to type up important documents, update data, and the like.

"_Hai_. It is like an online version of a newspaper's classifieds." Explained Japan. "You can post an ad for something you have for sale, or a service you offer."

"And the best part is that everything is really cheap!" added Italy, "Where do you think I got this grand automatic pasta-maker for so little? Craigslist is the best!"

"You just have to watch out for scammers. But since you are not a moron, you'll be fine." Remarked Japan.

Due to his allies' suggestion, Germany decided to pay a little visit to the website.

_This looks a little shady. And I haven't even gotten to the posts yet._

Germany decided to search for something really ridiculous, just to see if they really do sell anything there.

His eyes widened at what he saw.

* * *

><p>"I'll be gone for the day." He told his friends, "I'm going to meet a man in Hamburg who claims to have information on our enemies for a discounted price. Craigslist really does sell everything!"<p>

"Are you sure you don't want us to come with you?" asked Japan, "It's always best to bring a friend along to make sure, since you're meeting a complete stranger."

"Germany will be fine! And in the case he dies, I'll take over!" reassured Italy. Germany felt sick to his stomach at the thought.

* * *

><p>Germany arrived at the place he and the seller agreed upon via email. It was in a parking lot behind an abandoned restaurant. Indeed shady, but Germany didn't care. He's more than capable of protecting himself. He glanced at his watch. The man was 2 and a half minutes late.<p>

_Now two minutes and 33 seconds late…_

"You looking for the information?" said a voice. He looked to his left to see a man in a black trench coat, a hat, and dark sunglasses.

"Yes…" began Germany. "Are you awesome-sauce4102?"

"Depends. Are you potatoes_n_beer_4life?" responded the shady figure.

"Yes… do you have the information?"

"You bet I do." He replied, removing his sunglasses and digging into his pockets. Their eyes met for a moment, letting out a gasp out of both of them.

"Bro-brother?" Germany stuttered.

"Germany! Well… dammit, this is awkward." Prussia admitted, taking his hat off to scratch his head.

"What are you doing on Craigslist?" demanded Germany.

"I should say the same to you! Don't you have _resources_? _References_?" scoffed Prussia, trying to turn the tables.

"Don't you have _pride_?" wailed Germany, concerned for his brother's method of business. "What else do you sell on Craigslist? It better not have been you with the ad "Sexy Prussian Ladies: Very Rare!"

Prussia laughed sheepishly "Some friends of mine… I commissioned them…"

"Brother!"

"Hey, you're not the one with the struggling economy here! Since Prussia is no more, I'm trying to promote economic growth in East Germany! No need to thank me for my awesomeness, just pay me for the information already!" Prussia explained desperately. Germany sighed and stuffed his hand in his pocket, fishing out the money he brought.

"Alright, here." Said Germany, handing Prussia a sum. "Now give me the intelligence." Prussia happily stuffed the money in his pocket and handed Germany a slip of paper.

"What other kind of intelligence do you have?" inquired Germany.

"Oh, everything!" bragged Prussia, "From a map of Austria's weak spots to America's erogenous zones!"

Germany chose not to ask any further questions and left the scene, seriously doubting his brother's sanity.

* * *

><p>Later that night, out of curiosity, he searched for something else ridiculous on Craigslist.<p>

"They have **MY EROGENOUS ZONES**? _Verdamnt_… Prussia!"


End file.
